Welcome to Recovery

Chapter One
We Start from Where We Are “We come to Al-Anon because of the problems caused by someone's drinking. Some of us are primarily concerned about a relationship with a spouse or partner who has a drinking problem, while others have alcoholic parents or children. Sometimes an alcoholic situation in the workplace brings us to Al-Anon. Regardless of the particular relationship, there is one common denominator: the effect of someone else's drinking on us. Al-Anon gives us an opportunity to look at ourselves and understand how alcoholism has distorted our perspective, hurt our self-image, and affected our ability to develop and maintain healthy relationships.
It isn't unusual to enter the doors of an Al-Anon Family Group in a state of distress. Despite the confusion and chaos we may be experiencing, the program offers us hope that by improving our attitudes, we can live better, happier lives. In Al-Anon meetings we meet people who have had experiences similar to ours. They share how much their lives have improved. They show us that our past failures don't have to limit our future growth as long as we are willing to learn new approaches.
An Al-Anon Family Group also offers opportunities to understand our own feelings better, and how to reach out to other people for support. Before we began attending Al-Anon meetings, many of us ignored our feelings and felt isolated by our problems. We focused primarily on trying to fix the alcoholic relationship or coping with the crisis of the day. We tried to keep things as "normal" as possible by taking on responsibilities that the alcoholic 10 Discovering Choices neglected. It was all up to us, or so we believed. We felt we had to keep up the appearance that everything was okay, even if that meant making excuses or lying for the alcoholic. Under these circumstances, it can be painful or confusing to pay attention to our own feelings. When we hear other people share in the meetings, however, we begin to recognize how much we have in common with them. As we relate, we begin to feel connected-sometimes for the first time in our lives. Trust begins to grow. An Al-Anon meeting is a safe place to share our feelings. We learn that we're not the only ones whose point of view has been twisted by the strain of living with the effects of someone else's drinking. As we listen to other people's stories, we discover things about ourselves that we may have never suspected. We can begin to admit to ourselves how we feel and come to understand ourselves better. With the love and support we find in an Al-Anon meeting, we're able to recognize-and accept-who we are. Wherever we may be in our search for healthy relationships, we have to begin where we are today. It may be painful to think how much better our relationships could have-or should have-been. There's no point in criticizing ourselves when we did the best we could with what we had. We can gain peace of mind by putting aside what we could or should have done and by accepting who and where we are right now. The Al-Anon program offers a range of tools that can help us. As we continue to attend meetings, we learn that it is possible to let go of old companions like failure, shame, and guilt. In time we can make progress, but we can only make it "One Day at a Time." The Al-Anon tools help us realize that the ability to start over is always within our reach, and that there's always more hope than we may have thought.”

Personal Stories (This is one of 15 or 16 stories given – a sample!)
“I was full of anguish when I first arrived at Al-Anon. Real progress came when I understood that I am responsible only for the consequences of my own behavior and choices. In time I came to understand that much of my family members' lives was none of my business. I had no right to judge them as right or wrong, much less interfere with their lives, even if they asked for my opinion. My greatest progress in overcoming the urge to get involved in others' lives came when I recognized that I don't always know what's going to turn out to be a good thing. As I listened at meetings, I realized that many an idea that I thought would be the best possible solution turned into a complete disaster. On the other hand, things I thought would surely stigmatize and ruin lives turned out to be someone's salvation. If I can't recognize whether the consequence of an action will turn out good or bad, how can I possibly make a reliable judgment for others? My only responsibility is to put the focus on my behavior, understand my family, and try to be non-judgmental I stopped judging my family, and I now accept them for who they are. I do my best to give unconditional love.”

Gleaned From District 9 Workshop, January 5, 2008

• Healing With Humor with Ellen C.
• I am the farthest thing from the mind of the person who offended me.
• Control is an effective way of distancing loved ones.
• Saying "No" is more intimate than saying "Yes."

Eating Disorder Resources

• http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
• http://www.somethingfishy.org
• http://www.mccallumplace.com
• Info.mccallumplace.com/justine
• http://www.maudsleyparents.org

Article: RCA Step of the Month

The Twelve Steps of RCA

1. We admitted we were powerless over our relationship – that our life together had become unmanageable.
2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to commitment and intimacy.
3. We made a decision to turn our wills and our life together over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our relationship together as a couple.
5. We admitted to God, to each other, and to another couple the exact nature of our wrongs
6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character, communication, and caring.
7. We humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it to our partner and to others we had harmed.
11. We sought through our common prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other couples, and to practice these principles in all aspects of our lives, our relationship, and our families.

(The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous have been reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. ("AAW.S."). Permission to reprint and adapt the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions does not mean that AA is affiliated with this program. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism only – use of AA's Steps and Traditions or an adapted version of its Steps and Traditions in connection with programs and activities which are patterned after AA, but which address other problems, or use in any other non-AA context, does not imply otherwise.

To order the Blue Book Companion Step Work Journal, Click Here, send an email to theWSO Office or call 510-663-2312.
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Are You A Workaholic, Take This Quiz

1. I prefer to do most things myself rather than ask for help.
2. I get very impatient when I have to wait for someone else or when something takes too long, such as long, slow-moving lines.
3. I seem to be in a hurry and racing against the clock.
4. I get irritated when I am interrupted while I am in the middle of something.
5. I stay busy and keep many “irons in the fire.”
6. I find myself doing two or three things at one time, such as eating lunch and writing a memo while talking on the phone.
7. I overcommit myself by biting off more than I can chew.
8. I feel guilty when I am not working on something.
9. It is important that I see the concrete results of what I do.
10. I am more interested in the final results of my work than in the process.
11. Things just never seem to move fast enough or get done fast enough for me.
12. I lose my temper when things don't go my way or work to suit me.
13. I ask the same question, without realizing it, after I've already been given the answer.
14. Ispend a lot of time mentally planning future events, while tuning out the here and now.
15. I find myself continuing to work after my co-workers have called it quits.
16. I get angry when people don't meet my standards of perfection.
17. I get upset when I am in situations where I cannot be in control.
18. I tend to put myself under pressure with self-imposed conditions.
19. It is hard for me to relax when I'm not working.
20. I spend more time working than socializing with friends, on hobbies or on leisure activities.
21. I dive into projects to get a head start before all the phases have been finalized.
22. I get upset with myself for making even the smallest mistake.
23. I put more thought, time and energy into my work than I do into my relationships with friends and loved ones.
24. I forget, ignore or minimize important family celebrations such as birthdays, reunions, anniversaries or holidays.
25. I make important decisions before I have all the facts and have a chance to think them through thoroughly.

Total your score:
25-49: You are not a workaholic.
50-69: You a mild workaholic, but there is hope. With acceptance and modifications, you and your children will show few lasting effects.
70-100: You are a rabid workaholic. At this level, new research suggests, your children may have emotional repercussions as adults.
From "Work Addiction" ($8.95, Health Communications Inc.), by Dr. Bryan Robinson
— The ChariotteObserver

Workaholics' Kids Share Some Telltale Traits

BEING an adult child of a workaholic isn't easy to figure out. Nor is the syndrome as identifiable as the more well-known struggles faced by grown children of alcoholics.
Still, there are traits therapists can spot. Here are some highlights from a profile of the adult child of a workaholic being developed by Dr. Bryan Robinson:

• Perfectionist workaholics. Many children of workaholics will carry on the parent's legacy. “In the workplace or elsewhere, these are people who are busy doing, doing all the time.”
• Self-critical. “They feel guilty for even saying anything. They feel like their parents were perfect, high achievers, they had everything, and they shouldn't complain. They think ‘I must be defective.’ ”
• High levels of anxiety, often with depression. This usually shows up in marriages and relationships. “Many are on their second or third marriage, or find they can't stay in a committed relationship because they are unhappy but can't say why.... The spouse may say ‘Nothing I ever do is good enough for you.’ ”
• Outwardly focused. “They are controlled not by their own inner goals or desires, but what people think of them or of what they should do,” Robinson said.
• People-pleasing chameleons. “They'll be whomever people want them to be, either professionally or socially. So often what I hear in therapy is ‘I don't know who I am, really.’
• Parents before their time. Many oldest children of workaholics were "parentified" when young, Robinson said – elevated by the other parent to a partner status to help run the household and family. Often there is buried resentment or anger for having taken on a role for which they weren't ready.

Workaholic Parents Put Children At Risk

By Kathleen Curry, 1997, The Charlotte Observer

It has been called "the pretty addiction" and the "best-dressed problem." But mostly it's been called nothing at all.
Workaholism isn't a recognized disease, such as alcoholism or drug addiction. Some employers even revere it – newspaper classified ads have carried the headline "Wanted; Workaholics."
But to Dr. Bryan Robinson of Charlotte, N.C., work addiction is the unheralded family crisis of our generation. Not just because some people work too much – but because of what a workaholic lifestyle could quietly be doing to their kids.
“Outwardly with workaholics, everybody and everything looks great,” says Robinson, a therapist and University of North Carolina at Charlotte professor who also is a nationally recognized expert, on treating workaholics.
Workaholics often earn comfortable incomes; their families appear lo have everything. But when a workaholic's kids reach adulthood, Robinson says, the emotiotional framework often collapses like so many matchsticks.
According to what Robinson says is groundbreaking research, adult children of workaholics often end up in therapy with failing marriages, depression or a sense of anger they can't identify.

Adult children of workaholics often end up with failing marriages, depression or anger.

At the heart of their troubles, Robinson believes, was a well-meaning but absent parent who unconsciously taught them that you are judged by what you do, not who you are. Robinson began thinking about children of workaholics several years ago, after adult clients in his therapy practice displayed dysfunctional lives but no obvious cause. He began to see a pattern: Many had grown up with a workaholic parent.
So last year Robinson and associates interviewed and tested 211 adults ages 18 to 50, all students at UNCC and selected randomly. Participants first took Robinson's Work Addiction Risk Test, but answered the questions as they related to their parents. All were then given psychological tests to rate depression, anxiety and other indications of self-worth.
‘I was really surprised by the results,” Robinson said. Among those whose parents scored high on the work addiction test – about 30 percent of the sample – “there was significantly more depression, anxiety [and] relationship problems among those who had a workaholic parent than those who didn't.”
Robinson has since expanded his research; he is developing a profile of the adult child of a workaholic and is writing a book on the subject. He acknowledges, though, that the study of the effects of a parent's work addiction on children is still in its infancy.
Workaholism – and its effect on children – is not an easy sell as a crisis or even as a problem. First, not everyone who works occasional long hours is a workaholic.
“Work addiction is not the accountant working day and night during tax season. Work addiction is not the single mother working two jobs,” Robinson points out.
Although statistics are hard to come by, Robinson acknowledges, most therapists who focus on work addiction believe that 30-40 percent of working adults quality as workaholics. “Work addiction doesn't just suddenly occur one day – it comes from the inside,”
Robinson said. “It's something people take with them going into a job. It's not caused by the job.”
The toughest problem is convincing those who have crossed the line – from enthusiasm for a job to a pathological desire to work – that they may have a problem.
In a success-oriented society, few workaholics see themselves as dysfunctional, and most others regard them as good providers. Their families have material comforts: nice cars, fashionable clothes, well-appointed homes, college funds.
Behind the well-tended picture is often dysfunction, loneliness and, for children, an unexpected inheritance. Twenty years later, a good number of these so-called adult children of workaholics are perfectionist workaholics themselves, although they can't say why. They're at risk, Robinson says, of passing to their children a legacy of emotional detachment in favor of outward achievement.
According to the profile Robinson is writing of the adult child of a workaholic, these people tend to be highly self- critical, anxious and fumbling badly in relationships. “But they don't know why, and there's nothing obvious to point to,” such as an alcoholic parent, abusive childhood or other such tragedy.
“They [the children] are controlled not by their own inner goals, values or desires, but what other people think of them.” For adults who believe their work lifestyle may be harming their families' lifestyle, Robinson offers a three-step start toward change.
The first step: time. “Quality time is important, but it needs to be intimate, regular time with children.” he said.
Second: Learn to accept your children for who they are, not what they do. “They won't do it consciously, but many workaholics give negative feedback, such as saying ‘That's great you got five A's, but let's work on this B.’”
Third, let your children make mistakes, and let them see you make mistakes. “Workaholics often go crazy if they make mistakes. Children can learn to handle their own mistakes if they see their parents do so.”

The Death Of A Spouse, Joan Picard Bleidorn

The death of a spouse ranks at the very top on the Stress Test instruments, ahead even of a jail term, firing from a job, the death of a close family member, or foreclosure on a home. This little book, compact and concise, is filled with a treasure-trove of practical tips for those of us who have suffered the loss of a spouse, myself included. I waited eagerly to read this and found it filled with wisdom and good, down-to-earth common sense from one who has not just talked the talk, but also walked the walk.
The book emphasizes that the shock and finality of the death of a spouse often paralyzes the bereaved into a state where clear-thinking is not possible, and it strongly advises us to move slowly, to stop and think, to stay put before rushing into unwise or even disastrous situations.
I know a successful journalist with two young children who lost her husband suddenly. In her state of shock, she gave up their lovely apartment and bought a house in the suburbs, far away from her job and her children's schools, even though she had never learned to drive and knew nothing about house maintenance. She uprooted her children and created a horrible situation until she came to her senses a year later and moved back to an apartment in the city, put the kids back in their schools and managed very well. She made hasty decisions in her state of unresolved grief.
John's advice: take your time. Don't sell your house; don't buy unwise investments, don't try to cope all alone; go for some type of counseling. Avoid rushing into new relationships that might not be good for you.
This little book emphasizes that you need to build an active and satisfactory life for yourself, and not bury yourself along with your departed spouse. It is time to study yourself, do some soul searching to determine what you want and need, who your friends are and who aren't. Relationships change with the death of a spouse. It is time to develop your own interests, talents, and while it is unwise to rush hastily into a myriad of activities to block out the loneliness, it is equally unwise to sit home night after night in front of your TV with a drink in hand. It is, however, important to cherish and value your aloneness as it is a time to grow. Is loneliness painful? You bet it is. But you can handle the pain. It won't kill you. Married or single, we all need some alone time. If you can manage to make sure it is not always right around the evening meal time, which brings back painful memories of special time with your spouse, then it is so much to the good.
If you need to embark on a project, how about dealing with the "stuff" that has accumulated over the period of your life with your spouse? Some of it might be valuably filled with memories and some of it might just be a burden, keeping you from creating the kind of home that is just right for you now, in your new single state. While it is great to have a life-partner, keep in mind we don't all have to go two by two, as into the Ark. It is quite all right to stand on your own merits as a single person. You are not a half person. If you are, then you have your work cut out for you. Do something about it and become a whole person. Entering into a new relationship involves change and opportunities for growth. That new love can never be a substitute or a fill in, but can be filled with enriching experiences. The more one is able to go with life alone, the better the chances for a successful new relationship and getting on with life.
Read this book and appreciate the valuable tips on managing your finances and avoiding falling into the clutches of financial charlatans. Read this book and think about how to deal with family, in-laws, children, your sense of "home" and the many challenges that arise when you find yourself on your own, after the loss of a spouse.
I am hoping for a sequel.
Joan Picard Bleidorn

Association for Couples in Marriage Enrichment

“Relationships are important!!! Are your relationships working?
Are the demands of work, family and life placing a strain on your relationships?
Would you like to get beyond the level of conflict to rekindle, enrich and nurture your relationships?
Would you like to experience your^onnection with the innate health and wholeness within each of us?
Deep Listening is a way of listening that is beyond ordinary active listening. It allows you to listen to others as well as within by utilizing all of your senses in a multidimensional way. It requires slowing down internally to focus on the present, letting go of conditioned thoughts and judgments about yourself and others and quieting your mind. Listening in this way with nothing on your mind connects you with inner stillness and allows you to expehence your natural connection with life and the innate health and wholeness within each of us.
Deep listening can unleash the power of your relationships and take you beyond the level of conflict, allowing you to experience unconditional caring and support for each other. This type of listening has a calming effect on the listener as well as the speaker. It opens the gateway that allows listener and speaker to connect with a tenderness that lifts their spirits and fosters an effortless flow of love and compassion. In this openness, inner resources of wisdom, intuition, creativity and inspiration simply emerge. Presenters: John Golden. Ph.D. and Sharon Golden. M.S. LCSW Presenters for the program are Dr. John Golden, Licensed Psychologist and Sharon Golden, Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Former ACME members from St. Louis, the Goldens now live in south Texas near South Padre Island. They blend over 20 years of professional training and experience in working with others with their personal experience as a couple. Over the past five years, they have traveled extensively to complete in-depth training on principles of presence and their application in relationships, work and life. These principles have had a profound impact on many relationships and have helped even those on the verge of separation or divorce to regain the love in their relationship. The Goldens assist individuals, couples, groups and businesses through coaching, consulting and professional development programs offered by Golden Performance Solutions, LLC. Visit their website at: www.GoldenPerformanceSolutions.com.”

Recovery Programs: Hazelden

“To: Hazelden Grassroots Network Volunteers
From: Pam Berkwitz, Vice President of Public Affairs

I want to introduce myself to you. I have recently come on board to direct the public affairs activities at Hazelden Foundation. I have many years of experience working in public policy positions. Most recently I have been a clinician. I am in recovery and am very excited to focus my professional time on the issues that deeply affect so many of us - issues that impact the availability and quality of treatment, prevention and recovery from addiction. I look forward to working with all of you as we make the voice of recovery heard in the halls of Congress, Legislatures and local governments. They must hear from us that “treatment is effective” and “recovery does happen.”
As an advocate for recovery who has signed onto our grassroots network, you can expect to hear from me at least several times a year about political issues, and, importantly, actions you can take to help maintain and secure more opportunities for recovery in this country. Included in this mailing is an update form for our grassroots network. If there are changes, or you prefer to be contacted by a certain method, please return the form in the enclosed envelope. If you know of other people who want to join our grassroots network, please copy the form for them. The more of us who are willing to be involved, the more successful we can be in advocating for prevention, treatment and recovery from addiction. The following is another opportunity to be involved. I hope that you will be a part of the Hazelden Network and The Alliance Project.
Hazelden is a strong supporter of The Alliance Project, a national effort to assist the recovery community to be more engaged in the public debate about alcohol and drug addiction. Enclosed is The Alliance Project's newest advocacy and organizing brochure that encourages people in recovery and others to get involved to help focus the debate about addiction, treatment, prevention and recovery.
The Alliance Project is building a national list of people who want to stay in touch with advocacy efforts. If you want to be involved with The Alliance Project efforts, send in the card attached to the brochure. If you are already on the mailing list of The Alliance Project, pass this brochure on to a friend. This brochure is also available in quantities.
For more information, contact
The Alliance Project,
1954 University Avenue West, Suite 12, St. Paul, MN 55104
at 651-645-1618 (fax) 651-645-1576, or
info@defeataddiction.com or www.defeataddiction.com”

Adult Children of Alcoholic Al-Anon Group, Laundry List.

1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love, friendship and career relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our faults or our responsibility to ourselves.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We become addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much. This includes our good feelings such as joy and happiness. Our being out of touch with our feelings is one of our basic denials.
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feeling. We received this from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
15. Adult children of alcoholics guess at what normal is.
16. We have difficulty having fun.
17. We take ourselves very seriously.
18. We have difficulty with intimate relationships.
19. We constantly seek approval and affirmation.
20. We usually feel different from other people.
21. We are super responsible or super irresponsible.
22. We are extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that loyalty is undeserved.
23. We lend to lock ourselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsiveness leads to confused self-loathing and loss of control of our environment As a result, more energy is spent cleaning up the mess than would have been spent had the alternatives and consequences been examined in the first place.
24. We do not appear to have any more or any fewer problems with sexuality than the general population.
25. We tend to look for immediate as opposed to deferred gratification.
26. We are overly sensitive (this-one was added by a group of ACA's here in St.Louis).
27. We have difficulty in following a project through from beginning to end.
28. We over-react to changes over which we have no control.

• Alcoholism is a three-fold disease; Mental, physical and spiritual and our parents were victims of this disease which ends in insanity and/or death. Learning about and understanding the disease is the-beginning of the gift of forgiveness.
• We learn the three C's – We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it.
• We learn to put the focus on ourselves and to be good to ourselves.
• We learn to detach with love and to give ourselves and others tough love.
• We use the Al-Anon slogans: “Let Go and Let God,” “Easy Does it,” “One Day at a time,” “Keep it simple,” “Live and let live.”
• Using these slogans helps us begin to lead our day-to-day lives in a new way.
• We learn to feel our feelings, to accept them and to express them, and to build our self-esteem.
• Through working the steps we learn to accept the disease, realize that our lives are unmanageable, and that we are powerless over the disease and the alcohohc. As we become willing to admit our defects and our sick thinking we are able to change our a1ttitudes and to turn our reactions into actions. By working the program daily and admitting that we are powerless, we come to believe eventually in the spirituality of the program – that there is a solution other than ourselves: the group, a Higher Power, God, as we understand Him, It. By sharing our experiences, relating to others, welcoming newcomers and serving our group(s), we build self-esteem.
• We learn to love ourselves. In this way we are able to love others in a healthy way.
• We have telephone therapy with people we relate to – very helpful at all times, not just when problems arise.
• By applying the Serenity Prayer to our daily lives, we begin to change the sick attitudes we acquired in childhood.

• to "let go" does not mean to stop caring/ it means I cant do it for someone else.
• to "let go" is not to cut myself off/ it's-the realization I cant control another
• to "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences
• to "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands
• to "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself
• to "let go" is not to care for/ but to cars about
• to "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive
• to "let go" is' not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being
• to "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to affect their destinites
• to "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality
• to "let go" is not to deny, but to accept
t
• o "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them
• to "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it
• to "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody but to try to become what I dream I can be
• to "let go" is not to regret Lhe past, but to grow and live for the future
• to "let go" is to fear less, and love more

(Author unknown)

• Please hear what I am not saying.
• Don't be fooled by me.
• Don't be fooled by the face 1 wear.
• For I wear a thousand masks, masks that I am afraid to take off,
• And none of them are me.
• Pretending is an art that is second nature with me but don't be fooled,
• For God's sake don't be fooled.
• I give-the impression that I am secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without, that confidence is my name and coolness my game, that the water's calm and I'm in command, and that 1 need no one.
• Please don't believe me.
• Please.
• My surface may seem smooth, but my surface is my mask.
• Beneath this lies no complacence.
• Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear and aloneness.
• But I hide this, I don't want anybody to know it.
• I panic at the thought of my weakness and I fear of being exposed.
• That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me present, to shield me from the glance that knows.
• But such a glance is precisely my salvation.
• My only salvation and I know it.
• That is if it is followed by acceptance, if it's followed by love,
• It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself, that I am worth something.
• But I don't tell you this, I don't dare.
• I'm afraid to.
• I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance and love.
• I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh at me, and your laugh would kill me.
• I'm afraid that deep down I'm nothing, that I'm no good, and that you will see this and reject me.
• So I play my game, my desperate game, with a facade of assurance without,
• And a trembling child within.
• And so begins the parade of masks,
• And my life becomes a front.
• I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surfaced talk.
• I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything.
• Of what's crying within me; so when I'm going through my routine do not be fooled by what I am saying.
• Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying, what I'd like to be able to say, what for survival 1 need to say, but what I can't say.
• I dislike hiding, Honestly!
• I dislike the superficial game I'm playing, the phony game.
• I'd really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and me, but you've got to help me.
• You've got to hold out your hand, even when that's the last thing 1 seem to want.
• Only you can wipe away from my eyes the blank stare of breathing death.
• Only you can call me into aliveness. Each time you're kind and gentle, and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care.
• My heart begins to grow wings, very small wings, very feeble wings, but wings.
• With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding, you can breath life into me.
• I want you to know that.
• I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can be the creator of the person that is me if you choose to.
• Please choose to, you alone can break down the wall, behind which I tremble.
• You alone can remove my mask.
• You alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic and uncertainty, from my lonely person.
• Do not pass me by,
• Please — do not pass me by.
• I will not be easy for you.
• A long-conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
• The nearer you approach me, the blinder I strike back.
• I fight against the very thing 1 cry out for.
• But I am told that love is stronger than walls, and in this lies my hope.
• Please try to beat down those walls with firm hands, but with gentle hands for a child is very sensitive,
• Who am I, you may wonder.
• I am someone you know very well.
• For I am every man you meet and I am every woman you meet.

September, National Alcohol and Drug Recovery Month

“US Government's Substance Abuse Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) named September National Recovery Month and created a one-hour web cast, “Mutual Support Groups: What Everyone Needs to Know.”

Al-Anon sent out information on the Webcast for National Recovery Month. You can view the webcast at http://www.recoverymonth.gov/2004/multimedia/w.aspx?ID=266 . The webcast will be archived for future access.
Because Al-Anon's Traditions guide them remain anonymous in the media, Al-Anon selected a professional to represent them in this webcast, Dr. Patricia O'Gorman. Alcoholics Anonymous follows a similiar tradition so they had a non-alcoholic member of their Trustees, Alan Ault, speak for AA.

The National Alcohol & Drug Addiction Recovery Month Web site:
http://www.recoverymonth.gov/2004/multimedia/w.aspx?ID=266

National Alcohol & Drug Addiction Recovery Month
National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month

Sponsored by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA's) Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (CSAT), the Recovery Month observance highlights the societal benefits of substance abuse treatment, lauds the contributions of treatment providers and promotes the message that recovery from substance abuse in all its forms is possible.

To receive regular e-mail updates on Recovery Month resources and events, visit: http://www.recoverymonth.gov/2004/_usercontrols/join.aspx .

Get ready for school! Find articles, homework help and more in the Back to School Guide!
http://special.msn.com/network/04backtoschool.armx

Installing Love On The Computer

INSTALLING LOVE

Tech Support: Yes, how can I help you?

Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me though the process?

Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?
Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support: What programs are running?

Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?

Customer: I don't know how to turn them off! Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error - Program not run on external components” What should I do?

Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet beer run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer:So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance!; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; realize your Worth; and acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love installed and running.

One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

Customer:Thank you, God.

Courtesy of: Linda Krehmeyer
Corporate Benefit Consultants, Inc., Ph: (314) 373-2904,V Fax: (314) 373-2905.

EAGALA Home - Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association
Welcome to the EAGALA
The Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association is a non-profit organization developed to address the need for resources, education, and professionalism in the field of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.
Creating a more professional field and promoting it to the general public is a large task. EAGALA strives to educate the public that EAP is more than horsemanship and riding classes.
EAGALA aims to get professionals in the clinical and human development fields to accept EAP as a valid and effective approach, and to actively use it with their clientele. This benefits those in the equine fields by opening up greater possibilities for doing what they love, namely working with horses.
This benefits those in the clinical and human development fields by providing a powerful, effective, interesting, and fun therapeutic alternative. Most of all, this benefits the clients and participants, because, as those of us working in the field see all the time, it works! The growth and learning of all involved is intense and rewarding.
The mission of EAGALA is to promote, educate, and provide standards of practice, ethics, and safety in the field of EAP. This will be accomplished through the following objectives:

• Establishing set standards of practice, ethics, and safety for the field of EAP
• Providing trainings for certification in the field of EAP
• Conducting annual conferences for the purpose of education and networking
• Promoting the field of EAP as a legitimate and effective mode of therapy and treatment for at-risk populations
• Providing educational, training, and support resources, such as books, videos, tapes, and web sites
• Publishing a monthly newsletter for associates
• Establishing EAP as a course of study in universities and colleges
• Supporting the establishment of EAP organizations for the purpose of working with at-risk youth and families around the world
• Conducting research on the effectiveness of EAP
• Providing affordable and adequate liability insurance

Also see Equine Assisted Growth and Development Seminars at:
A discussion group devoted to Equine Assisted psychotherapy.

Courtesy of Sue In Washington
Copyright © 1999 EAGALA All Rights Reserved. 9/3/2002
Send inquiries to:
EAGALA P.O. Box 993 Santaquin, Utah 84655
Toll free: 1-877-858-4600 Direct phone: (801)754-0607 Fax:(801) 754-0853
http://www.eagala.org/

Be As Strong As a Horse!
What is Equine Assisted Psychotherapy? (EAP) Equine assisted psychotherapy is an emerging field in which horses are used as a tool for emotional growth and learning. EAP is a short-term, collaborative effort between a therapist and a horse professional. This model can most easily be explained as an experiential approach to working with people. This means that the participants learn about themselves and others by participating in activities with the horses, and then processing feelings, behaviors, and patterns. In the past, experiential therapy and activities have been implemented in ropes courses. Equine Assisted Psychotherapy adds the dynamic of living creatures, with individual personalities, attitudes, and moods as unique as those of their human counterparts. As a result, EAP produces endless experiences and situations for discussion, analysis, and learning.
No horse experience is necessary for any workshops, seminars, or therapy sessions!

• Build confidence
• Improve communication skills
• Gain Personal Insights
• Develop new and effective tools to deal with change
• relationships stress
• trauma anger
• life challenges

Professional certification program sponsored by the Equine Assisted Growth and Learning Association
EAGADS for corporations and families
Presentations and seminars for conferences and meetings
Consultation and staff training for program development
Outpatient therapy services
Group therapy and experiential activities

Equine Services
PO BOX 993
Santaquin, Utah 84655
(877)858-4600
(801)667-2192 fax
http://www.eagads.com/

WHY HORSES?
Those who are familiar with horses recognize and understand the power of horses to influence people in incredibly powerful ways. Developing relationships, training, horsemanship instruction, and caring for horses naturally affects those involved in a positive manner. The benefits of work ethic, responsibility, assertiveness, communication, and healthy relationships has long been recognized. Horses naturally provide these benefits. The use of horses is increasing and gaining popularity with the rise in new approaches in working with horses, including the field of Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.
Horses are large and powerful, which creates a natural opportunity for people to overcome fear and develop confidence. The size and power of the horse are intimidating to many, so accomplishing a task involving the horse creates confidence and supplies powerful metaphors for dealing with other challenging situations in life.
Horses are very much like humans in that they are social animals. They have defined roles within their herds; they would rather be with their peers. Horses have distinct personalities, attitudes, and moods. An approach that works with one horse does not necessarily work with mother. At times, they seem stubborn and defiant. They like to have Fun. In other words, horses provide vast opportunities for metaphorical learning. Using metaphors, in discussion or activity, is an effective technique when working with even the most challenging individuals or groups.
Horses require work, whether in caring for them, or working with them. In a time when immediate gratification and "easy way" are popular, horses require people to be engaged in physical and mental work to be successful - a valuable characteristic in all aspects of life.
Most importantly, horses have the ability to mirror exactly what human body language is telling them. Many people will complain, "The horse is stubborn." or "The horse doesn't like me." The lesson to be learned is that when they change themselves, the horses respond differently. Horses are honest, which makes them especially powerful messengers.
Associate Information Newsletter Networking Boards, Links, Books, Archives, Events
North American Riding for the Handicapped Association (NARHA)
Welcome to the NARHA.org Web Site!
This is the premier site for information on therapeutic riding. NARHA is a non-profit organization whose purpose is to promote the rehabilitation of individuals with physical, emotional and learning disabilities through equine-facilitated activities. We do this through our worldwide network of member therapeutic riding centers. For individuals with disabilities, therapeutic riding has been shown to improve muscle tone, balance, posture, coordination, motor development as well as emotional well-being. And it's fun! Our web site is designed to provide easily accessible information and to promote member communication. Just click on a topic on the menu to the left. Come on in and look around!
If you're a NARHA member, go to the special...
. You'll find updated membership and program news as well as a message board an room where you can communicate with other therapeutic riding professionals from all over.

• Next Steps: Techniques in Equine Assisted Psychoth
• Equine Facilitated Mental Health Seminar
• The Neuro Connection
• AHA Approved Intro to Hippotherapy Course
• Graduate Program in Hippotherapy Classes Begins

Article: Family Secrets...and God's Enduring Love

Serenity Prayer

Family of Origin Rules & Adult Child Responses

GENERAL RULES:
Don't Talk — Don't Trust — Don't Feel

RESPONSES & EFFECT
ON ADULT CHILDREN

• Adult children guess at what normal behavior is.
• Adult children have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
• Adult children lie when it would be just as easy to tell the truth.
• Adult children judge themselves without mercy.
• Adult children have difficulty having fun.
• Adult children have difficulty with intimate relationships.
• Adult children take themselves very seriously.
• Adult children overreact to changes over which they have no control.
• Adult children constantly seek approval and affirmation.
• Adult children usually feel they are different from other people.
• Adult children are extremely loyal, even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
• Adult children are either super responsible or super irresponsible.
• Adult children are impulsive. They tend to lock themselves into a course of action without giving serious consideration to the consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self-loathing, and loss of control over their environment. In addition, they spend an excessive amount of energy cleaning up the mess.

SPIRITUAL EFFECTS

• Adult children tend to picture their higher power in a distorted way, projecting negative parental experiences onto it.
• Adult children tend to have difficulty in experiencing a deep connected, loving relationship with a higher power because of never experiencing childhood parental nurturing.
• Adult children come to believe the higher power is not trustworthy.
• Adult children believe that spiritual love is conditional, and that they have to be 'good' to be loved. Likewise, when bad things are happening, it feels like 'punishment'.
• Adult children can feel the higher power demands more than we can give, just as we felt overwhelmed by the demands of our family.
• Our spirituality lacks hope, joy, or serenity, and we find it hard to imagine a happy and fulfilled future for ourselves.
• We find it difficult to live in the present with our higher power.
• We sometimes want our higher power to magically rescue us.
• We find it difficult to be grateful.

Facts Of Alcoholism

Safety Guidelines

1. It is OK to feel.
2. It is OK to make mistakes.
3. It is OK to have respectful conflict.
4. It is OK to have needs and ask for them to be met.
5. It is important to respect others (partners and others in the group). It is important to avoid self-righteous statements, baiting or button-pushing statements, case-building statements, and the taking or sharing of another person's inventory.
6. It is important to respect ourselves and to avoid self put-downs and self--pity. It is helpful to take ownership of our own story and to take credit for our progress and work in recovery.
7. Anonymity is our spiritual foundation. Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.

We have care and concern for ourselves and for our coupleships. We meet to both receive and provide the nurturing our relationships need to grow and endure. For that reason, it is important for us to act and speak respectfully to our partners and others. As we do this, we value the group and the relationships within it.”

Prayer For Peace
To Mary, The Light of Hope
Pope John Paul II

“Immaculate Heart of Mary, help us to conquer the menace of evil, which so easily takes root in the hearts of the people of today, and whose immeasurable effects already weigh down upon our modern world and seem to block the paths toward the future.
From famine and war, deliver us.
From nuclear war, from incalculable self-destruction, from every kind of war, deliver us.
From sins against human life from its very beginning, deliver us.
From hatred and from the demeaning of the dignity of the children of God, deliver us.
From every kind of injustice in the life of society, both national and international, deliver us.
From readiness to trample on the commandments of God, deliver us.
From attempts to stifle in human hearts the very truth of Cod, deliver us.
From the loss of awareness of good and evil, deliver us.
From sins against the Holy Spirit, deliver us.
Accept, 0 Mother of Christ,
this cry laden with the sufferings of all individual human beings, laden with the sufferings of whole societies.
Help us with the power of the Holy Spirit conquer all sin: individual sin and the "sin of the world," sin in all its manifestations.
Let there be revealed once more in the history of the world the infinite saving power of the redemption:
the power of merciful love.
May it put a stop to evil.
May it transform consciences.
May your Immaculate Heart reveal for all the light of hope. Amen.”

Muslim, Jewish, Christian Prayer for Peace

“God, you are the source of life and peace. Praised be your name forever.
You it is who turn our minds to thoughts of peace. Hear our prayer in this time of war, your power changes hearts. 'Muslims, Christians, and Jews remember, and profoundly affirm, that they are followers of the one God, children of Abraham, brothers and sisters; enemies begin to speak to one another; those who were estranged join hands in friendship; nations seek the way of peace together. Strengthen our resolve to give witness to these truths by the way we live. Give to us:
Understanding that puts an end to strife; Mercy that quenches hatred, and forgiveness that overcomes vengeance. Empower ail people to live in your law of love. Amen”

– Pax Christi USA/Fellowship of Reconciliation Cards may be ordered from: Pax Christi USA
532 'West 8th Street
Erie, PA 16502-1343
814/453-4955
www.paxchristiusa.org

Prayer To Christ The Healer

“In the comfort of your love, I pour out to you, my Savior, The memories that haunt me, The anxieties that perplex me, The fears that stifle me, The sickness that prevails upon me, And the frustration of all the pain that weaves about within me.
Lord, help me to see your peace in my turmoil, your compassion in my sorrow, your forgiveness in my weakness And your love in my need.
Touch me, 0 Lord, with your healing power and strength.”
– ©Prayer to Christ The Healer, SAINT ALEXIUS HOSPITAL.

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